“If the fear of loss conquers me, the reality of failure will consume me”-Michael Dooley
She wasn’t afraid of death, not by a long shot.
Instead she feared loss, and not just in the physical sense.
She was afraid of losing everything; her value, her dignity, her home, the people she loved, the life she’d worked so hard to perfect.
Loss terrified her to no end, and yet strangely enough she didn’t fear death, at least not her own death.
She was scared of losing her family, of waking up in the morning and not seeing her brother in the kitchen with his messy hair and disheveled clothes.
Of not being able to hug her mother again and smell her faint scent of lemon and honey.
Of not riding in the car with her father while he played an old 80’s rock station at full blast.
The thought of forfeiting all those things panicked her but perhaps the one thing that frightened her most was the idea of losing herself in her fear, of falling too deep into the rabbit hole and not being able to climb back out.
She knew that it was impossible to escape from the cold clutches of her anxiety and that the best she could do was hold on and try to stay focused.
And as time passed, she came to accept the inevitability of loss, though it shook her to the bone.
She often thought of ending her suffering, of putting a stop to the invisible terror that choked her to exhaustion everyday.
But she could never go through with her plan, she’d make up her mind to just do it but then she’d stop and think that if she were to take her own life then she would simply be passing on her fear to the people around her.
She wouldn’t be silencing her trepidation, rather she’d only be spreading it to her family and friends, as they would come to fear loss as she did.
And it was that thought that stopped her every time, if it meant protecting he people she loved then she would gladly bear her burden for as long as she lived.
And when Death would come knocking on her door, she would greet him like an old friend.
Okay so I hope you all enjoyed that, and I apologize because this one was long overdue.
I realize that this is the second short story in a row, and I’m working on coming up with something different it’s just that I can’t really think of any new ideas right now.
If there’s a specific type of post you’d like to see here on the Paper Life then be sure to drop a comment down below.
And lastly before we end off, if there are any of you who are dealing with anxiety or depression, please be aware that it will get better and that you just have to push through it no mater what.
And with that note, I shall leave you and as always happy reading!
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